Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
