Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
