you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
did i just pee glitter
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
