dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
50% drunk capacity currently
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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