I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
