make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
