I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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