Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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