Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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