I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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