TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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