I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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