Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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