I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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