She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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