just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
do herpes really smell.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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