I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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