Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
