I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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