i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
