Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I met the friendliest cop last night
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
