It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
