the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
