Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
