he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
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