so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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