if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
