I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
