I hate your face
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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