I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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