Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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