I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
