this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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