i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
