and you said cock pushups were impossible
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
