I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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