Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
