alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
