Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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