pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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