so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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