When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
