In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
