he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
