If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
