i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
