So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
