Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
