I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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