I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
