Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
