so that wasnt chicken after all
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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