I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
