I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
