You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
