I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
