i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
