oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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