RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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